Infinity War aftermath
by Meregil Svarteros Laevateinn
Summary: Collection of ficlets about the consequences of the ending of IW that will deal with the feelings of the survivors. I cannot list every character in the tags (some don't even exist in the list) so I put the ones who will appear the most. (You can add Clint, Shuri, Tony, Rocket, Bruce, Nebula, May ...) Summary in the first "chapter" ! Edit 13/08 : announcement in the Author's note
1. Summary

Hi everyone !

I realise I didn't let any message before my stories on this one, and that's a mistake. I know it can be perceived as cold, or rude. So sorry guys !

I really needed to write something to cope with the movie, in general. So here it is, an angsty series of ficlets ! You can read them as stand alones, but you'll see there are events that cross.

* * *

Here is the list of the stories, with the (friendship) pairings involved, if they exist. (Only the ones posted to this day, but I shall inform you there will be nine of them, and seven are finished.)

If you want the surprise, well, navigate with the index !

A friend's comfort (Natasha & Clint)

Dad (Rocket & Thor, about Groot)

Sam (Steve)

The sun won't shine on us again (Thor & Bruce)

The Lost Brothers (Shuri & Steve)

M.I.A. (May, Ned and Tony Stark)

News from Titan (General, but you can see a touch of Tony & Steve, Rocket & the Guardians and Thor & Valkyrie)

Wakanda Forever (Shuri)

I will never know (Steve & Shuri, hints at Steve & Natasha)

* * *

Let me know what you think of those, as a constructive comment is always appreciated !(Also English is not my first language...)

See you soon


	2. A Friend's comfort

The craziness of the day was only just starting to decrease a little bit. A little only, because this was still totally surreal. So many had died, randomly and so quickly. Natasha had spent hours helping the survivors and had only just gotten a room in the palace. She found a phone and dialed Clint's number.

"Nat ? Oh thank god you're alive !"

"Yes, I am. Is everyone…"

"Yes, we're all still here, by miracle. Damn it, what the hell was that ? What happened ? I saw people disappear on TV like they were dust !"

"Thanos. That's the guy who orchestrated New York. He came back. Remember the infinity stones ? Like the one on Vision's head."

"Yeah. There are six of them, that's right ?"

"Yes. He had one. He killed almost all Thor's people to obtain a second." " Fuck." "Then he went to retrieve another in some sort of space museum. After that he sacrificed his daughter to gain a fourth. Dr Strange and Vision had the last two."

"Shit. So he collected all the stones, and then ?"

"And then he snapped his fingers and erased half the universe."

Silence settled on the other hand. Natasha waited for Clint to digest all those informations.

"How are you Nat ? For real ?"

"I'm… I will be okay."

"How many?"

"We don't know what happened to Stark, the Parker kid, and Stephen Strange. Thor, and Bruce came back. A racoon and a walking and talking tree came with him. The tree vanished.

"Natasha. Who did _we_ loose ?"

"T'Challa disappeared. Vision got his stone ripped out before we could save his mind. Wanda tried to destroy the stone but Thanos just went back in time and recreated it."

"Is Wanda..."

"She died too. Well, died. She just vanished, Clint. Like she was made of dust ! Every time I close my eyes I see her vanishing."

"Come and stay with my family Nat. You know you're always welcome."

"I will. But just… Not right now. I can't leave now. I can't let him alone."

"Who, Nat ?" Clint asked.

She paused a second before answering. "Steve."

"Why..."

"Sam is dead too. We didn't find him, just his wings." She breathed.

"Fuck. Tasha… You sure you can hold him up after he lost his best friend ?"

"Barnes is dead."

"Bucky, his pal who was controlled by Hydra ?"

"Yeah. But unlike Wanda and Sam, he saw it happening. Barnes vanished in front of him." She said, running her hand over her face. "Steve didn't move from the spot for an hour."

"Come. And tell him to come with you."

"I'll tell him."

"I'm sorry Tasha. I wish I could do more..."

"That's enough for now, don't worry. I know you'll be there if … when I'll need more."

The spy hung up a few minutes later and sighed. How was it possible ? How had something like this happened ? All those years they thought their wars, with Hydra, with terrorists, Ultron, even Loki, would be the worst. But they just had been proved wrong. Loki had been right, actually. They were truly insignificant compared to the rest of he Universe. They just had to think about how Thanos had wiped away half of the Earth's population…

Natasha took her head in her hands. What would happen next ? They would survive this, but how ?


	3. Dad

Rocket was following Thor in auto-pilot mode in the corridors of Wakanda's palace. The princess had allowed them to stay for a while. They all accepted, of course. They all were still in shock.

How could they not be ? The freak had whipped away half of the fucking universe ! He had just needed a snap of fingers !

He shook his head. Groot was dead. He died in front of him. Again. Why him ? He was… had been so young. Innocent. He didn't deserve this !

"Ra.. Rocket ?" He heard Thor ask. He didn't realise he had stopped walking. Again.

"He called me dad." Rocket said before he could stop himself. "His last word was Dad." What did that make him ? He had failed to protect him !

"There is nothing you could have done." The blond said while walking back to him.

"But..." "No. There was nothing to do." Thor replied firmly.

Rocket sighed and dropped his head. He felt a tear roll down and saw it splash on the ground. His ears laid back and he wrapped his arms around himself. Groot was gone. Why him ?

H suddenly felt a weigh on his head. It was Thor, the guy who lost almost everything, who was… patting him. Instead of making him angry, the gesture soothed him a little. Yeah, it was bad.

He hoped his fellow Guardians were still alive.


	4. Sam

Steve looked at the phone in his hands. They were trembling a little. The rush of adrenaline had not finished yet, apparently. This was unusual, it should have stopped hours ago, little after the fight. But after all it wasn't exactly a regular situation either. They had seen a lot those last years, but this… This should have belonged in a science-fiction movie. And only there. Their world was crazy, but to this point…

The blond shook his head and grimaced a second later because of his headache. He still had trouble believing all this happened. How a single person could just… erase half the universe. It was beyond his understanding. Yeah, the world would be better if the population was lower. They could have better lives. But … you could not just come and decide to kill half the planet ! This was monstrous. Cruel.

He took a deep breath. He had to do it. He knew them. But… Were they still even alive to mourn ?

He unlocked Sam's phone and looked through his contacts. There. Sarah Wilson-Carper.

The super-soldier pressed _Call_ , brought the phone to his left ear and closed his eyes. How was he gonna announce his best friend's death ? Himself didn't even know how that happened. They didn't even have found his wings. Sam had just disappeared like the rest of them.

Someone answered on the fourth ring.

"Hel.. Hello ?" Answered a feminine voice.

"Hello Sarah. This is Steve Rogers."

Steve was facing the window. Announcing Sam's death to his sister had been hard. He had had no explanation to give. Just that the veteran had fought and then vanished into ashes. There would be no corpse to bury. He couldn't join Sam's brother. Maybe… Maybe he was dead too. He hoped not, because Jim had a kid.

He rubbed his face. He had to find something to do. Sam was the only one who had family to call. His mind wouldn't stop replaying the events of the day. He ran his right hand in his hair and tugged a little. Why wouldn't it stop ?! He just wanted five minutes of break.

Natasha. He would go see if she was okay. And then he would check on the others. Maybe after that he would be able to help the civilians ? Yeah, this sounded like a good plan. He could do that.


	5. The Sun won't shine on us again

_I, Loki, prince of Asgard, Odinson, the rightful king of Jotunheim, God of Mischief, do hereby pledge to you, my undying fidelity._

Those words would haunt him forever. Did Loki really thought he would succed ? Even without all the stones, Thanos had had a team with him. They would have never defeated him.

So to try to kill him, armed only of a blade…

The God of Thunder shook his head. For all his intelligence and ruse, his brother had been a fool. A brave one, but a fool nonetheless. He chastised himself; it wasn't correct to think something like that.

Outside, the sky was roaring. His feelings reflected on the weather, as often. As the events of the last hours -day ?- replayed in his mind, he suddenly remembered something.

Loki aimed for Thanos' neck. Had it been his subconscious, remembering his brother's death, that prevented him to do the same or had he simply not thought of it ?

Had he aimed at Thanos' neck, they would have won. Thor passed a hand on his face. What had he done ?

"Thor ?" A voice suddenly asked, making the God jump in surprise. It was Banner. "I was looking for you. You didn't show up earlier."

Thor lowered his head. He hadn't show up because he had not the right.

"It's my fault." He blurted out.

"What ?"

"Thanos' victory. It's my fault."

"What are you talking about ?" The doctor asked, apparently lost.

"I dug my weapon into his chest." "And ?" "And I should have gone for the head. He even told me so."

"The guy's a freak ! Maybe he just said that to mess with your brain ! Which is working by the way."

That was… not completely stupid. He genuinely hadn't thought of it.

"I… Maybe you're right. But we will never know."

The two men stayed silent for a moment before the doctor spoke again.

"We'll overcome this."

 _Maybe not_ , Thor thought. Not him anyway.

"I may look young, but I am 1500 years old. And in less than 10 years, I lost my entire family and the major part of my people." Thor said. "In fact, I don't even know if anyone survived. Maybe I'm the last Asgardian."

"No you can't say that. I'm sure there are others survivors."

"I hope you are right Banner."

Thor plunged his right hand under his armor. It should be there… Ah, yes it was. It had stayed where he had put it.

He brought the item behind his eyes. Soft, short and ragged. Green.

"Is that … ?" Banner started to ask.

"A piece of Loki's cloak. Yes." Thor closed his eyes, as he remembered what happened. "Thanos chocked him before my eyes. And then he… he snapped Loki's neck."

"Shit. I'm sorry Thor." The doctor laid a hand on his arm.

"He let his body fall on the ground and then he let me go. I just had time to crawl to my brother before he destroyed the ship. I imagine I was gripping him tight enough to tear a part of his cloack."

The blond let one tear roll down before he continued.

"I almost had him back. I knew I couldn't trust him the way I did before. But I hoped we could learn that again." The god whispered. "He was still my little brother."

A heavy silence fell onto the room. There was nothing more to say. After maybe five minutes, Banner patted his arm and left him alone with his thoughts.

Defeated, Thor looked out in the night, what was left of his brother in his hand.


	6. The lost brothers

The next day Steve woke up in a start. He had dreamed that every person who died was circling him. They were repeating it was all his fault. He knew it wasn't true, after all, how could he have stopped Thanos on his own ? He had done everything he could. But he couldn't help feeling guilty. Sam would probably call that survivor's guilt.

His chest was rising heavily and he was drenched in sweat. He turned his head to see what time it was and sighed. He had slept three hours. He was never going back to sleep. He laid back for two minutes before sitting upright in his bed. He got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

After a quick shower, he felt slightly more awake. He dressed mechanically and left his room to get somewhere he could eat. He didn't feel the envy, but knew he had to feed his body nonetheless.

His feet took him to the right place, having spent several weeks in Wakanda in the past two years. Natasha and Bruce were already there, sitting close to each other and talking quietly. He smiled lightly to them in greeting. He couldn't see himself, but he was quite certain it came out as a grimace.

The blond was playing with the remains of his food when he saw Thor enter, the racoon in tow. He nodded politely and resumed his picking. Minutes later Rhodes arrived, accompanied by Okoye who gave him a tight smile. She had seen her king and friend vanish in front of her too.

The Colonel announced that he would make a statement during the day, which would be broadcast for the whole world to see. After all, the major part of the world had had no idea what was happening. He offered a hand, but there was little to do. He would find someone else to help.

Before she left, Okoye told them the Princess was on her way, and that she wanted to talk to him first.

Steve promptly got to his feet, his food forgotten, and exited the room. He had only been in he hallway for two minutes before he heard light footsteps.

"Steve"

Steve turned to see the young woman approach. "Shuri" She seemed nervous, on top of all.

"My comfort for your losses." He nodded, and spoke softly "And mine for yours."

They stayed silent for some seconds, looking each other in the eyes.

"I am going to take the throne." She blurted out suddenly. Steve didn't know what to say, she was so young… "I don't really have a choice. I was next in the line, the leaders of the other tribes are either dead, or too old, and M'Baku prefers to take care of the Jabari who survived." She finished, looking at the Panther statue.

"I … it might not be worth a lot, but I have faith in you."

At these words, she turned and looked at him directly in the eyes. Hers were shiny. "Yes, it is." She paused, wrapped her arms around her waist, sighed, then continued. "I have been raised in the optics that someday I could have to sit on the throne. I know diplomacy, at least as it is needed within Wakanda. I know the outside world too. And I trained with the Dora, in case I had to take the Panther's mantel. I'm not as good as my brother, and I certainly prefer to fight with my technology, but I can take the role. So why do I feel like I know nothing ?"

She was seeking his reassurance, he realised. "Because you just went through a lot a the same time. We have been invaded, and you lost a lot of people you knew. You lost your brother, who was one of the most important person in your life. And instead of focusing only on processing your grief, you have to worry about becoming a Queen as well."

She blinked and let her arms fall. "You're right. You're right about everything but one fact." He tilted his head, waiting for her to develop. "I did not loose a brother..." She began, her eyes watering. "I lost two of them."

Steve felt his breath get caught in his throat. Was she saying … ?

"Bucky had become another brother to me." He closed his eyes for an instant. Buck. He took a deep breath and opened slowly his eyelids. Shuri's hands were trembling at her sides. He saw her resolve slip when a tear rolled down her cheek. He opened his arms and she immediately engulfed herself in his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her shaky shoulders and placed his chin on top of her head. She had to be strong but for now she could express her grief.


	7. MIA

May was watching the TV on the couch, waiting for Colonel Rhodes to speak, a blanket draped over her shoulders when she heard the bell ring. Was it finally Peter coming home ? Her boy was back ? She stood up, almost tripped on the carpet in her haste to get to the door. Did he lost his keys again ?

Every bit of hope fell down she opened the door. It wasn't Peter, but Ned. Ned who seemed to be fine except for his worried face.

"May"

"Ned. Come in" She said before closing the door.

May gestured him to sit on the couch before offering him a drink. The teenager looked lost, staring at the building on the other side of the street. Suddenly, a footage from the day before appeared on the TV screen. It was the doughnut-like vessel. They showed short videos of the New York fight, and then… And then she saw Peter, in his Spiderman outfit being lifted in the air by the vessel.

"I distracted them." The sudden noise almost made her jump. "He asked me to distract them so he could go." Ned continued, his face to the ground.

"Ned. Ned look at me." The teen slowly looked up. He had tears in his eyes. "This is not your fault. He would have found a way to go there, even without your help."

Ned sniffed, but nodded nonetheless. May saw the screen flash to a press conference.

"Ah this is the Colonel Rhodes ! Let's hear what he has to say."

She took the remote and increased the volume.

 _Each of you must be wondering what happened yesterday. Too much have seen their loved ones disappear in front of them, in seconds and without any explanation. We can't tell you much more, except for the name of the responsible, the same mad man who was behind the New York invasion six years ago. Thanos._

 _Legitimate heroes, vigilantes, new allies and unknown people fought side by side. But the threat was too strong and we lost. We still cannot tell how many are missing, military or civilians._

 _Vision, Falcon, Scarlett Witch, the King T'Challa, Srgt James_ _Barnes are amongst the dead. We_ _also_ _are without news of Tony_ _Stark and Spiderman, who where last seen together._

At those words, she felt her face drain of all colours. Her baby had been with Stark when he disappeared. They hadn't showed that on the footages. Neither of them had given any news, and it had been over a day. They were really smart, both of them. Did that mean…

"May ! Hey, breathe please."

She realised she had been holding her breath since the Colonel said Peter and Stark had been together.

"Maybe they're just far and they can't contact us." Yeah. It had too be that. Ned had to be right.

The day after, when she opened the door again, it was to find Tony Stark on her doorstep. Alone.

"No. Please no. Not him." May pleaded, her voice breaking mid-sentence.

"I'm sorry May." The genius said, taking a step forward. "I couldn't do anything. He just vanished."

The world shattered under her feet. Her baby was gone. No. No it wasn't possible ! He couldn't be…

She felt two arms circling her centimetres before she hit the floor. She then was moved to the couch, and Stark pressed her to his side. He rubbed her back until she stopped sobbing.

"Did he… did he suffer ?" She heard herself ask.

He looked her in the eyes and whispered "No. It was quick."

She nodded slowly. Her baby was gone.


	8. News from Titan

Let's say the Guardians' vessel is still functional after what happened, shall we ?

The palace was in effervescence. Dozens of people, plus the remaining Dora Milaje where running down the halls. A small vessel, just bigger than a Quinjet, had arrived in Wakanda minutes ago without authorization.

They had landed near the river tribe's lands, where Steve was currently helping people. The blond rushed towards it: either the passengers were hurt, and then he could help, either they were a threat and in this case he would protect the villagers until reinforcement came.

He stopped five meters away from the door and waited for it to unlock. Slowly, the ship opened and an average-size man with brown hair stepped up. He took support on the door frame to steady himself and finally revealed his face -and identity-.

"Tony ?!" Steve said before rushing to the man, stopping a meter away. Tony took in his appearance and smiled sadly.

"You look like shit, Rogers."

"You too."

The soldier balanced from a feet onto the other before he engulfed the other man in a tight hug. It didn't last long, Steve retreating five seconds later, but Tony had the time to reciprocate.

"I'm… I'm glad you're back." The blond said.

Tony nodded, and was about to speak when someone else came out of the ship. The woman was blue, but not of the same shade everywhere. She appeared to be partially robotic, too.

"Is Rocket here ?" She asked bluntly.

"Who are you ?" Steve asked.

"Cap, meet Nebula. Nebula, Captain Rogers."

"I repeat, is Rocket here ?"

"Yes, he is in Wakanda. He must be in the palace."

"Thank you."

Little by little, people were arriving, and Okoye and some Dora raised their spares.

"It's okay, Okoye. This is Tony Stark."

"And her ?"

"Nebula is with me."

The general stayed still for some seconds before dropping her weapon, the other Doras imitating her.

"Tony, are you the only two ?"

The genius turned his head slowly and lowered his eyes. "Yes. The Guardians, who fought with us, disappeared. Dr Stephen Strange too. And… and Peter."

"I'm sorry Tony." Steve put his hand on the other man's shoulder.

"I've got to inform his aunt. Steve… Pepper, is .. is she ?"

"She's alive. Rhodes, too. He left for DC yesterday evening actually.

The two were interrupted by someone shouting.

"Nebula !" It was Rocket. He was running. She turned to look at him. "Nebula, were are the others ?"

"I'm sorry, Rocket."

The racoon stopped in his tracks .

"No. Not them, too."

"He killed Gamora to gain the Soul Stone. And the others vanished."

Rocket's shoulders sagged, and he went to sit on a rock. He then put his elbows on his knees and let his head fall into his hands.

They all watched in silence as Nebula went to sit next to him and pat his shoulder awkwardly.

"Where is Thor ?" Tony asked suddenly.

"He is helping around… Okoye ?"

"He was indeed helping the mine tribe this morning. I'll send a message for him to come."

"Tell him we have good news. A... Ravager called Kraglin contacted us. They found a part of his people."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, everybody was in a sort of conference room. Shuri had managed to create a connection between Kragklin's vessel and the Palace. Now, they were only waiting for someone to come and speak to them.

Relief flashed upon Thor's face when he saw a brown-haired woman approach and sit in the chair.

"Brunnhilde !"

"Your highness. I'm so relieved to see you. With both eyes." She said with a smile. "Bruce" she nodded at the scientist who waved his hand in response. "We were intercepted by Ravagers. They took us in. But… some of us vanished the other day."

"I supposed so. I'm afraid all that remains of Asgard is with you."

"The rest of the population..."

"Didn't made it."

The warrior closed her eyes and whispered something close to a prayer. When she opened them again, she frowned.

"I cannot see Prince Loki."

"My brother was killed by Thanos. Heimdall also died of his hand, just after he summoned the Bifrost one last time." Thor replied, his face tight.

"I… Shall they rest in Valhalla with our great heroes." Thor nodded and shifted in his seat while the Valkyrie got out of hers. "I will inform the survivors of our losses." She then bowed her head and retreated. _My king._

"What are you going to do now ?" Bruce asked.

"Well, we wanted to come back on Earth. We are here now. We might as well stay. After that … after everything, it's not like we will lack space."

* * *

The group decided to get outside while Tony called Pepper and Thor made arrangements with Kraglin.

As they stepped in a street, two kids who were holding hands called Steve. He turned to see who it was, and stopped to let them come to him. He knew those kids, he had met them several times. The older was called Bulhe and the other Sipho. They were part of the River tribe.

"Steve ! Phi iphimbi elimhlophe ?" Sipho asked. Where was… where was White wolf ?

"Yes, induna, where is he ?" His brother asked, a big frown on his little face. "We didn't see him since you arrived."

Steve crouched, on knee on the ground, to speak at their level. "He's with our ancestors." He told them. "With the angels" he added, under his breath.

"He's… he's _dead_ ?" Bulhe asked in disbelief. Steve nodded, his mouth pinching.

"No, that's not fair !" The kid whined.

The two brothers threw themselves into the blonde's arms and began to cry.

Natasha and Shuri exchanged a glance, their own faces somber. They explained to the others who was this White Wolf and that the kids were from the tribe who took him in. That the kids had grown closer and closer to Bucky, and knew Steve well due to his visits.

Later, when they were all back inside, Tony placed a hand on Steve's arm, squeezed briefly and retreated.

"I'm sorry for Wilson." He said. "Wasn't your fault, Tony. We lost too many people for nothing."

"That's for sure. I've seen my fair of freaks, but this one was the worst."

Steve simply nodded, and Stark took a step back. The genius was about to exit the room when he stopped and turned again to talk to the soldier.

"And Rogers ?" The blond rose his head, slowly. Dark circles were starting to appear under his eyes. "I haven't completely forgiven him, even if I know it wasn't really his fault… But I'm sorry you lost Barnes again."

Steve clenched his jaw and crossed his arms on his chest. He sighed and gave Stark a curt nod for unique answer.

Iron man then departed, leaving the blond to face the Wakandan landscape.

He saw Natasha standing not far away from him and walked to her.

"Keep an eye on him. He looks calm and all, but he's gonna blow up."

"I know. Why do you think I am still here ?" She asked. "But I'm not going to pressure him. I'll be there if -when- he needs me."

"I trust you with this. Take care Romanov."

Surely Steve would blow up some time. But for the moment, the man was busying himself all day.

He helped the population by doing little things : carrying heavy objects, repairing basic ones, removing garbage...

Wakanda might possess a very advanced technology, their way of life remained traditional. And even when it wasn't the case, the battle had made a lot of damage, technology included. There was a lot to do.

Tony left early in the afternoon. He had to pay a visit to Peter's aunt and to reunite with Pepper after that. Natasha did what she said she would, and looked after Steve the best she could. But she couldn't prevent what happened next. She knew he almost didn't sleep at all, and that he was exhausting himself all day. But, when the villagers contacted her, she didn't expected to hear that. Steve had simply collapsed of exhaustion in the middle of the ruin and was being taken to Bucky's hut to rest.


	9. Wakanda Forever

Thanks to everyone who subscribed, favorited (I dont think it's correct, sorry x)) or left a comment !

To answer the guest who wanted to know if there would be more : after this (short) ficlet, there will be a final part, waaaaay longer than the rest.

Enjoy !

* * *

Chaos invaded Wakanda. Four days after the genocide, the country was still in shock. Parts of the cities were in ruins, thousands were dead. They had had to announce T'Challa's death, and the need for someone else to take the lead of the country for a second time in less tan two years.

They only had had little time to mourn, but they couldn't afford more. Wakanda needed a leading figure. Their people needed the reassurance that someone was there to guide them. They needed to rely on someone. It should have been T'Challa, not her. She wasn't ready to do it. But she had to. For her people. They counted on her.

She looked outside the plane, toward the waterfalls, where her destiny was waiting. She wasn't ready to become a queen, but she knew she wouldn't be alone. Her umama and Okoye would be there, as well as the remaining members of the council. She had allies on the outside too : agent Ross, who she knew had survived, the Colonel Rhodes who publicly spoke the day after the tragedy, the remaining Avengers, some of which were still in Wakanda, helping around and resting. M'Baku also told her he would not challenge her, preferring to focus on his own people, but who liked her idea of rapprochement.

It would be a hard time, certainly, but it was her duty. Her baba and brother would always be there in her heart, sharing their kindness and wisdom and accompanying her in this journey. They would never truly be gone.

They were now really close to the waterfalls, she could hear people chanting her name. She sighed then straightened herself.

The door opened and Shuri headed to her fate. Wakanda forever.


	10. I'll never know

Hi everyone.

This is the last part of this collection. (For once, I actually finished a fiction ! Yay !)

This is more in depth than the others, I think. I explore Steve's feelings for Buck, whatever they could be (you'll understand later I promise).

This story has hints at a relationship between men, so if you're not comfortable with this... Well, you can go.

Enjoy!

* * *

Steve awoke slowly. His body ached everywhere. He knew he had just woken up but … he was _so_ tired. He lifted his head to find that his neck seemed to want to kill him. His shoulders too. And his back. But he felt quite relaxed… There must be something in the air.

Where was he ? He closed his eyes, trying to remember what happened. He had been working in the middle of some ruins, lifting debris to let people look under those. It had been a really hot afternoon, unlike the previous day when Tony had came back.

Ah, that was it. He had collapsed in the middle of the ruins. He didn't remembered a lot from there. A glimpse of broad shoulders who had carried him to a hut where he had been deposed on a sparse bed which had been weirdly comfortable. He remembered waking in a jolt, a woman by his side. She had helped him with several things such as drinking, eating a little… And she had promised that someone would wake him in time to assist to Shuri's coronation.

Which meant, if the sun starting to rise was any indication, that it was the morning. He had slept almost the entire night, without nightmares. She must have drugged him. He couldn't find in him to resent her.

Steve slowly opened his eyes for the second time and took the time to assess his surroundings. It was indeed a hut. A familiar one. _No wonder I feel relaxed_ , he thought, as a vice squeezed his heart, _this is Bucky's hut_.

The blond sat in the bed and looked around. Next to the bed was the dark scarf Bucky wore to hide his stump. He took the fabric and shakily brought it to his face. Yeah. It smelled like him.

Steve allowed a single tear to roll down his cheek before he got up and started to get ready to leave.

Five minutes later, he was headed to the palace to prepare for the ceremony, Bucky's scarf around his neck.

* * *

Steve sat alone in the room where T'Challa and him had discussed after he came to Wakanda for the first time. Natasha had swung by to see how he was, and had left him to go find Bruce. She would probably go to Clint's in the evening. So here he was, looking out through the window, lost in his thoughts.

"I recognise this."

He lifted his head to look at Shuri. This was not surprising. Logical, in fact. She might even have seen it more often than him. He lowered his eyes to look at the beautiful dark scarf. The last time he had seen Bucky wearing it had been months ago when he last visited.

"I..." he started, before stopping. He wanted to say something, but didn't know what. He tightened the fabric around his neck and placed it under his jacket.

"You don't have to hide it."

Was it what he had tried to do ? He didn't know. Maybe, maybe not... There was a lot he didn't know. But if he had tried to hide it, it wasn't consciously.

"No one will judge you. Especially for this."

He nodded. That, he knew. Not here in Wakanda, not with her.

"He talked about you a lot, you know." Steve lifted his head to watch the young woman. _The Queen_ , he reminded himself, crowned this morning. She was facing the window, a few feet away from him. "He would tell me about your youth. About the war, too, when you were in the Howling commandos."

She turned and came to sit next to him. She seemed not to mind doing all the talking, so he remained silent.

"He would tell me happy memories mostly, but sometimes he would share the bad ones too."

Steve nodded, then spoke for the first time in hours. His chest was tight, but he could speak. "Before… Before he fell of the train-" Before a part of his heart was ripped from his chest "we had never been separated for more than two months. We grew up together. We were there for each other. He protected me from bullies, even when I didn't wanted him to, he supported me when my mother was sick… When she died." He hadn't thought about her in a while. She had been so fierce, his mother.

"And I was there for him too. At first, I didn't know why he stayed with a skinny kid. But I finally came to the conclusion that he just liked me. He could talk with me about a lot of things, some he didn't dare mention around other people. He could be himself. He knew he could stay with me when he needed some air, too."

Steve paused some seconds to take a deep breath. "Eventually, we were just attached by the hip. Never really far from the other. Best friends, till he end of the line."

There was a moment of silence, as both were lost in thoughts, Steve relieving some memories. Eventually Shuri spoke again..

"I have to confess I had started to believe you two were more than that." She looked him in the eye, her head slightly tilted to he side. "I mean, he spoke so highly about you, and you seemed so at ease with each other."

"We always have been. Well, before Hydra that's it. What you saw… was still not how we used to be." He ran a hand on his face. "Before everything went down, we didn't even needed words to communicate."

They knew each other by heart. They were so close, sometimes I felt like they were the two parts of the same person. When Bucky fell, it truly had been as if a part of his heart had been ripped away.

"But..." He started.

"Yes ?"

"I'm not so sure now."

Shuri frowned. "I don't think I understand… "

Steve looked at his hands in his lap. How could he explain ? "I'm not sure it's only friendship."

"Have you ever felt something else then ? Or thought about him in another way ?"

Oh, yes. Definitely.

He had wondered what it would be like to kiss someone with a beard. How it would feel against his skin. Would it bother him? Would he like the roughness of it ?

And, more important, how would those lips have felt against his ? Would they have fit, would they have been soft ? Slightly cold, or warm ?

He had imagined himself kissing Bucky. Had pictured how his right hand would have crawled on Bucky's neck, cupping the back of his head, while the brunet would have been doing the same. Then he would have circled Bucky's waist, his hand going to rest in the small of his back, pressing their bodies together.

There was another time, where he had wondered how Bucky's slightly calloused fingers would have felt, on other places. If Bucky's skin would have been soft or not. How he would have been different from a woman, and in what the experience would have been similar. He had imagined the pupils of Bucky's eyes eating his irises, to the point where his eyes would have been almost black, lost in pleasure. Had wondered whether or not the brunet would have been noisy, how his voice would have weakened while the pleasure built.

He had pictured the face of his friend, contorted yet beautiful, when the time of release would have come.

"Steve ?" Shuri asked, effectively distracting him from his… heated thoughts. "You are starting to blush."

Damn. He felt his cheeks redden even more at this surge of embarrassment.

"So.. I'll take that you gave it a thought, right ?"

"Recently, yeah." He admitted. "But I'm not sure I'm...I was really interested."

"What do you mean ?" She asked, gently placing a hand on his knee.

He ran in hands in his hair and sighed. This was so frustrating !

"Maybe it's more, maybe it's just curiosity. Look don't get me wrong, I know it's okay not to be … I know people don't have to like a gender, or the other, or even to consider only two genders, but… It's still a little strange for me. I still have trouble to grasp the meaning of it."

"You know there are possibilities but you do not know if one of those applies to you."

"Yeah."

Steve stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. His head was starting to hurt a little, hurray !

"When we were young, it was different. You would be mocked, insulted, harassed, you could be thrown in jail because you didn't love the good person. I though about it a lot. Maybe I could have repressed feelings by fear ? I know it's possible. Hell, I repress ordinary feelings all the time when on missions, so I could totally have done the same. Back in that time, I was already mocked because I was too skinny, and was interested in art. Bucky… He was the only one who never looked me down." He said, his voice wavering at the end.

"And then came the war. We never asked for it, you know. When I agreed to take part to the project Rebirth, I did it because I felt I had to do something. Thousand men were fighting in Europe, and because I wasn't healthy enough I never got my orders. I felt so useless... So when the opportunity came, I took it. But things went down and instead of being the first Super soldier, I became the only one. Except it was even worse. For a while I was just a dancing monkey. I was loved by civilians, mocked by soldiers. I still felt useless. The only one who treated me as a regular guy, before and after the serum, was Peggy. I remember meeting her. I was so impressed !" He paused. She had been someone, Peggy. So strong, but soft when she wanted. Always fair. "I loved her."

Thinking about her was still painful. They could have had something beautiful. The only comfort he got was that she had lived her life and had seemed quite happy.

His guts were starting to twist as well. Damn, he was a wreck.

"I kissed her niece, actually." He said all of a sudden.

"That, is a little weird."

"Yeah. At first, she was just the girl next door. I was definitely attracted to her, but that was it. I never really tried anything more. I just kissed her before we decided to fly to Siberia. And thinking of it now… I realise that at the time I just had learnt who she was. It might have pushed me… I don't know."

"You can love both, you know."

"Yes -"

"And it is also possible that you are not attracted to men, but Bucky was your exception. It is not common, but nothing about you is anyway."

"You are right. I admit I didn't really thought about the later."

Both of them stopped talking, lost in thoughts. Maybe Shuri was right. He had never really be attracted to guys -not that he had had that much time, or envy, to go out -. Maybe Bucky was, no, _had been_ his exception. Damn, why was his brain so tricky with him ? Bucky was no longer _there_ , he had to stop thinking differently. No, stop. He couldn't let his thoughts go there. He would not crack. Not now. _But it has been four days already_ , supplied his mind. Traitor. His chest felt tighter and tighter as minutes passed by. Breathing was something that started to be hard.

He shook his head to get back to the conversation he had been having with Shuri. The sweet girl, who had lost so much too.

"I don't know if I started to imagine things because I … really started to see him another way, or if it is out of curiosity. You know, knowing you can do something sometimes makes you feel you want it, even if in truth you don't. And maybe the love I feel is the kind you have for a sibling ? I cannot compare, I was an only child." This sounded even worse than in his head. He was trying to explain, really. But it was hard. How was he supposed to explain something he didn't know ?! He sighed, and went back to sit next to Shuri and fixed his gaze on the floor.

But either she had understood him, either she was more informed because she took one of his hands in hers and whispered.

"It is okay to feel confused Steve. Maybe as you say it is curiosity, maybe it is not. I personally think it is the latter, but you're the only one who can know that. You have to figure it out."

How was he supposed to figure it out ? He had planned to see where his relation with Bucky evolved, to let it happen on its own. One way or the other.

But Buck wasn't here anymore.

Steve could feel tears gathering in his eyes. He lifted his head to look her in the eyes and said, his voice trembling. "But if Bucky was really my exception, how can I figure it out without him ? I'll never know."

He would never know. He would never know if he was in love with Bucky and could have be with him in every way because Bucky was _dead_. He closed his eyes and the entire scene replayed in his mind. Thor, planting his axe in Thanos' chest. Thanos, escaping. Bucky, calling him, fear and incomprehension clear in his voice. Bucky, who had looked at him, terrified. And then.. and then...

The reality came to hit him like a truck. All was left of Bucky were memories, clothes, some items, and a pile of dust. The name of the brunete left his lips at the same time tears started to fall.

He felt gentle arms guide him down and circle his shoulders. He hid his face in the crook of her neck and sobbed for what seemed like hours.

Apart from Nat and Shuri, he was alone now. His team was gone. Bucky was gone. He had died before his eyes, again.

And that _hurt like hell_.

* * *

A little explanation :

For me, the relation those two have in the first movie is clearly not a romantic one. They're really like brothers (or so I think, from what I read, because like Steve I can't relate). And I think that, maybe if the circumstances had been different... Well they might have been more. But hey, we'll never know ! (That's pretty ambiguous sometimes in the comics, too.) So I wrote this, where we can see a bit of his thoughts. After that, it's up to you to think what you want !

Thanks to everyone who gave love to this little project

Until next time !

Laevateinn


	11. Author's note

Hi everybody !

Good news from my side ! I'm going to publish a sequel to this collection.

Unfortunately, seeing as I'm currently experiencing some problems with my computer, I'm won't be able to post the first chapter today... I will post the link to the other story on this chapter as soon as I can !

I wanted to start today, on Sebastian's birthday ( Happy birthday Seb ! Seb, who last week (if I remember correctly) said he encouraged us to write fanfiction !), but well, not everything goes as planned.

I thank you all for the reviews, follow and favourite !

Here is the link ! s/13046789/1/Don-t-you-cry-no-more

See you soon,

Laevateinn


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